POETRY

Date Rape. 

the word implies

my eventual compliance

and you

dirty sheets

and unscented candles

I will never again

be different

than now

what is consent

when one acquiesces?

a failed discussion

among the patriarchy

of my sex

 

my body tasked

by your excessive labor

deceives me

it’s 4am when i leave

i take a cab from chelsea

to brooklyn

congratulate myself for

getting laid

when i get home

i eat a falafel

and feel sick all day

five years later

i still feel this way when i see

your roommate’s face.

gawking

at

me

 


 

you’re still a man, and l am still a woman

 

you’re sweet and home

talented and bald

awkward and dirty

you pulling my hair

under stairs

and the cobwebs

 

all the feelings that follow

the myths of the movies

that play to the fantastical side

of arousal

 

attraction

an inside drama

shared by two

for a temporary time

and place

untrustworthy

 

 


 

St. Margaret’s, England

I remember heavy velvet too awkward to fold
and all the momentos you kept in the attic
green glass necklaces
indian fabric, hand stitched
the mirror above the bed
feng shui
I remember drinking German beer with lunch
Huw proudly poured, always sitting at the head of the table
the trap door on the floor next to the kitchen sink
walking down the tricky steps to the garden
an english garden, overgrown with weeds
I watched you pin the laundry
your white freckled skin
your beautiful red hair
we had just come back from Paris
Huw was sitting in a white plastic lawn chair smoking your Gaulois
he said smoking causes premature gray hairs
I still wonder if that’s true

 


 

3am

i gave birth my 8 year old self

on the red velvet couch
this afternoon
gangly and petite
i lay disabled watching her mourn for 6 hours
i could never console her

i got up to get ready for a date with a man
and fried chicken
i thought of you
i thought i was not ready

when i get home i am sleepless
my chest hammers my heart
suffocating
I climb the fire escape to the roof
lie on the aluminum coat
the clouds cover the moon
revealing a brilliant silver sky

the wind is swimming
a fast breaststroke
the birds are asleep

i ask god what should i be?
as what i am makes no more sense